I’m trying to get some folks I know to write some fiction. \u00a0Many of them are particularly good at puns– so just to make it hard, I’ve also included required lines that are to be followed by a play on words. \u00a0<\/p>\n
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Introduce your protagonist, who is at least one of: PURPLE, OBSEQUIOUS, CLAIRVOYANT, ROPY, POINTED-EARED, DISEASED, TRUCULENT, OBLONG, MADE OF ROCK, TRANSGRESSIVE, RADIOACTIVE. \u00a0Introduce a conflict, involving at least one of: NEGATIVE SPACE WEDGIE, UNREQUITED LUST, ALIEN INVASION, OUTRIGHT THEFT, FEAR OF COMMITMENT, ILL-PREPARED NOODLES, LEGISLATED MEDIEVALISM, POKE IN EYE WITH SHARP STICK.<\/p>\n
Setup line for the pun: “I can’t eat raw meat!”<\/p>\n
Look at the conflict, revealing complications and details, and developing the protagonist by showing how he reacts to it. \u00a0The conflict is complicated by at least two of: CRAP PROGRAMMING PRACTICES, SUBSTANCE ABUSE, MALARIAL MOSQUITO RELEASE, LEATHER SHORTAGE,\u00a0CHAOTIC PHASE TRANSITION WEDGIE, RACISM,\u00a0SEXISM, BALDISM. \u00a0In order to establish yourself as an enlightened author, make sure the work passes an extended form of the Bechdel Test by including a CONVERSATION BETWEEN TWO WOMEN THAT HAS NOTHING WHATSOEVER TO DO WITH ANY OF MEN, LOVE, LUST, PREGNANCY, RAPE, OR CHILDREN.<\/p>\n
Setup line for the pun: “That’s not a plan! \u00a0That’s a– a–”<\/p>\n
Protagonist actually manages to accomplish something significant towards resolution of the conflict. \u00a0He does this by use of at least one of: RARE PLANT, ANTIQUE PADDLE WITH HOLES DRILLED IN IT, HIGH EXPLOSIVES, MOTHER’S COPY OF KERNIGHAN\u00a0AND RICHIE, POSITIVE TIME WEDGIE, VINEGAR, \u00a0NAPALM ENEMA, LUTEFISK, TREBUCHET.<\/p>\n
Setup line for the pun: “I never thought that could fit.”<\/p>\n
The conflict heats up and has gross effects. \u00a0If the conflict is a violent one, there will be actual battles. \u00a0If it’s more psychological or emotional, there will be screaming, angst, arias, tears, and other such things. \u00a0To keep things interesting, it’s usually a good idea to keep the final outcome in doubt– so for now, allow the protagonist’s foes to rally and\/or gain strength from at least one of: REALLY GOOD DRUG CONNECTIONS, AMBIVALENT SPEED WEDGIE, TRICK PHOTOGRAPHY, RACKETEER-INFLUENCED WATER TREATMENT PLANTS, CARNIVOROUS PLANTS, HISTORICAL PRECEDENT, BATS.<\/p>\n
Setup line for the pun: “Well, what about the tone?”<\/p>\n
Resolve the conflict– violently or peacefully, as you see fit. \u00a0Show any survivors standing down. \u00a0Show them receiving medals, a few moments to expound on their new personal philosophies without interruption or heckling, copious well-brewed tea, and\/or a really nice \u00a0back rub\u00a0from someone they like. \u00a0The climactic moment itself should involve at least one of: STUFF BLOWED UP REAL GOOD, POTTED MEAT, TENTACLE RAPE,\u00a0A SPHERE OF GRITTY PINK POWDER,\u00a0A SMALL CHILD IN THE RIGHT PLACE AT THE RIGHT TIME, TRANSVERSE ACCELERATION WEDGIE, SUFFOCATING FOOLS IN OOBLECK.<\/p>\n
Setup line for the pun: “I never dreamed it could be like this.”<\/p>\n
\u05e9<\/p>\n